Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's pictures of me and spam and pictures of my dog and spam and spam and spam
cute story: I have a friend with a prosthetic arm, and he once confided in me that, after seeing this movie, he’s always wanted someone to ask him for this. Then, the one day, I was at the grocery store with him and a couple other people, and one of our friends couldn’t reach a box on the shelf and asked him, “Dude gimme a hand here”. And, I swear to christ he practiced this because the speed at which he slipped off his prosthesis was blinding, and then he hurled his arm at her. He, unfortunately, got a tad overexcited, and instead of it just landing near her, it spun out and essentially bitchslapped her in mid-air.
Now we say it all the time around him, and he blames Disney for the fact that he has no girlfriend.
fucki m laughing so hard
you know what really fucking gets my cookies frosted sometimes??? i’ll be on the goddamn blue website scrolling along and suddenly come across a picture like this and i actually stop scrolling and go out of my way to share a picture of a man with a sly grin holding a fucking pineapple with a bunch of people who choose to look at what i put on my blog. people expect this from me. i hold the power to grace a plethora of people’s eyes with this picture. almost 20 thousand other people have looked at this and subconsciously decided that this represents the type of image that they want to share with others with no context. look at this man